Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Dog Hair Blues

If cleanliness is next to godliness, I'm one step from Hell.

With two dogs and two cats (not to mention the two long-haired humans) on the premises, daily vacuuming has become a must do task. Kansas tumbleweeds are nothing compared to some of the furry versions I've seen rolling through my house lately. The one to the left is a mere four hours old.

So what's a bummed out pet owner to do (besides suck it up)? That's right - put it to verse.

Retrievers are great beauties
Of this I'm not in doubt
It's just that I
must wonder why
They leave their gold about.

Compelled to share their wealth of hair
They scatter it like litter
In every room
Please don't presume
That all that's gold must glitter.

It collects in every corner
To gossip with the dirt
It mats on rugs
Like surly thugs
Bullied by a hair shirt.

With every errant sunbeam
Dust motes smote the eye
At least in rays
That aren't waylaid
By nose-slimed windows - dried.

Yet through the daily battle
I sing the Dog Hair Blues
I cannot grouse
'Cuz in this house
The Blues wear Golden hues.

I've actually started to think I'm going about this all wrong. I mean, why clean the floors? Somewhere in the distant past I remember someone telling me that for best results go direct to the source. I think I'll just start vacuuming the dogs.

(Just kidding, Eileen!)


Anonymous said...

Just think ot it as striking gold with gold dust and you are rich in it!

Speak(er) said...

You're right, Anonymous. With two dogs and two cats there is just no end to the "deposits" I can make with the riches they bestow upon me.

WI outpost said...

Perhaps the hair could be acculated and pressed onto a sweater with an as yet undiscovered glue . I saw a sweater on TV which had cat hair woven onto the front.

Speak(er) said...

Hi WI - that glue has been discovered. It's called "fleece".

Anonymous said...

I think that glue has another name. It's called "slime". Just wipe some off a tennis ball after the dog has retrieved the ball a few times.

slatta said...

Sigh. I never thought I would miss the hair tumbleweeds created by my four cats and one Saint, but you've just reminded me of how much I do!

By the way, we stayed at a B&B one time where the owner had one of those really, really fluffy dogs. Samoyed, maybe? Are they the white ones? Anyway, she collected the hair, spun it into yarn, and made sweaters out of it. I'm not kidding. Pretty, too.

carrot said...

All this talk of sweaters makes an allergy girl like me positively sneezy. I just want to point out that the poem's mention of "hair shirts" and "smoting" marks you as a decidedly Catholic poet!

Patrick Finnegan said...

You could look at it another way too; it is a very cheap way to re-carpet your house!